Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Pay it Forward...and I love Gifts!

I love presents so I promise to pass on the wonderful things!

here is the deal:
you want a present from me? leave me a comment. the first three people to comment will receive a gift from me sometime this year. when? what? you wont know!! its a surprise!! Im going to do my best to comply with the rules of "something handmade," but I cant promise that. life is crazy, you know!

here is the catch: in order for you to leave a comment on this post, first you have to repost this on your blog. that means that you are committing to giving three presents to people. got it? so post this on your blog, then comment to let me know.


Monday, February 23, 2009

Your Tour Ends Here

Dear Brett Michaels,

Are you kidding me? I heard on the radio today that your Rock of Love tour bus is coming to Montclair, NJ next month. Please don’t. New Jersey has a bad enough reputation as it is and we don’t need you confirming rumors that we’re trash.

Also, could you please stop with this “Rock of Love” thing? It’s old and I’m tired of you exploiting dumb aspiring porn stars. Instead of spending your time filming these women fighting over you, could you please drop by the nearest psychiatric ward and get them the help they need.

Really, Brett. Who do you think you are? Bon Jovi? You’re not. You never will be so let it go. When I hear advertisements for Bon Jovi on the radio, I hear at least 5 good songs played in the background. When I hear your radio advertisement I hear one. “Every rose has its thorn…” This includes you Brett. Your thorn poked me a long time ago and the wound is becoming infected.

You’ve been walking around for the past few years like you’re the cat’s meow. Well the cat is dying a slow painful death and letting the whole world know about it! Stop with the hair extensions and give the eye liner back to one of the crazy chicks on your love bus.


Someone with Class

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Daddy's Girl

I'm taking a huge risk right now. I'm not going to write anything funny about my evil roommate, my cheap landlord, or my crazy kindergartners. This is a full on venting, so if you don't feel like reading you can stop now and I won't be offended.

My parents are divorced and my mother was awarded full custody, meaning that my father was ordered to pay $150 a week for child support. My mother was so heartbroken after my father cheated on her and left us she didn't bother to ask for alimony. Just child support. At the time my mother didn't have a job, we didn't have a car, we didn't have a phone, my Nana was clothing us and my Grandpa was paying to keep food on the table. I had no idea at the time but we had almost nothing.

In the beginning my father was working and paying child support regularly. We saw him every weekend and things were going well. At some point over the past fourteen years (that's how long they've been divorced) my father lost his job and stopped paying child support. Please keep in mind that he is only ordered to pay a meager $150 a week for two children. He now owes my mother over $10,500. He has tried to emmancipate my sister and I several times with no success.

My mother has worked 50-60 hours a week since the divorce so that my sister and I could have a nice life and go on school trips, vacations, movies, and college. She gets court dates about every 6 months to try and get her money. She goes to court, they demand my father to come up with about $1000 by that Friday at 4 pm, and if he doesn't pay they issue an arrest warrant. Most of the time he doesn't, they come arrest him, and his $1000 bail miraculously appears within the hour. This was a common occurance until about a year ago.

Last year my father decided to try to apply for permanent disability (as he has several times in the past). While he applies for permanent disability he gets welfare from the state of New Jersey. Welfare does not offer any support for my mother and the only support if offers my sister and I is coverage through Medicaid which we don't need because the only thing my mother does have is good health insurance (Thank God). He gets $250 a month and $150 in food stamps and doesn't have a damn thing to spend it on since he doesn't drive and lives with his mother.

So he calls my mother this morning and wants to play "Let's Make a Deal". His deal was to pay her $5,000 of the $10,500 that he owes her and allow him to stop paying for my sister in May when he stops paying for me. Great deal right? Yeah...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Why Not?

Snow White gave me some "homework". (I love how all the blogging teachers stand out like sore thumbs.) Anyway, I've decided to follow suit. I'm supposed to tag a certain amount of people to do it after me but the last time I did that no one reposted and I got kind of angry. If you like it, take it.

This is how it goes...
Step 1
: respond and rework -- answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

Step 2: tag - eight other un-tagged people

1) What are you wearing right now? I'm still in my teacher clothes...khakis and a black shirt (slightly boring)

2) What is your biggest fear? My biggest fear right now is that I'm not going to get any type of a job next year. I'm also worried that Penn State is going to screw something up and not let me graduate. Hopefully in speaking these fears out loud they will not come true.

3) Do you nap a lot? I used to. I used to take a 2 hour nap everyday for the first three years of college. I guess that's not really a nap at all but rather a second sleep and probably the reason I gained so much weight since high school. This year I've gotten out of that habit and I only take naps on weekends. I'm losing weight but I am not as happy.

4) Who is the last person you hugged? I think my last hug was yesterday when I hugged Rome goodbye. That makes me sad that I haven't had a hug all day. I'll have to hug the next twin I see.

5) What websites to you visit when you go online? Penn State, Stalkbook, Blogger...the usual

6) What was the last item you bought? I bought McDonald's today. I purchased chicken selects because I thought they would be a healthy choice. Several friends have told me since that they are one of the worst things on the entire McDonald's menu and then I got sad that I didn't just order a quarter pounder.

7) You are on the Oregon Trail, how are things going? I haven't been on the trail a month and I'm already the only one left alive in my party. Did I mention that I'm a doctor? Yeah...

8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? Hit snooze...then go pee standing up.

9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? Not particularly that I can think of.

10) What is your most embarrassing moment? I walked up to a woman one time and look at her baby. I stood there staring at the baby and commented on how beautiful her blue eyes were....several seconds later I realized the woman was breast feeding.

11) What was the last movie you watched? I couldn't even tell you. I think it was "The Land Before Time" to be completely honest.

12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Absolutely nothing. I might take a nap.


Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to pass on that award that I never shared. I apologize because I legitimately forgot about it. I'm passing it on to the Chatty Barista, Lorraine, and Joanie. There it is folks. Have fun!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Sisterly Love

I live with twin sisters. They're identical and they both have red hair and freckles. They're actually kind of cute and absolutely hilarious when they start fighting. Here's a play by play of their most recent argument over their dinner.

Twin 1: I only got 2 shrimp.
Twin 2: I didn't count how much shrimp was on each plate.
Twin 1: Yeah, but you made sure you got all the shrimp.
Twin 2: What the hell? Did you want me to stand there and count the frigging shrimp?

The argument ended when Twin 1 was full and didn't finish her food.

Twin 1: I'm full.
Twin 2: I made that for you and you're not gonna finish it?
Twin 1: Here you finish it.
Twin 2: Stop bitching you got more than 2 shrimp!
Twin 1: Oh yea I guess I did.
Twin 2: Oh yea I guess you're a bitch.

Ahh...I miss my sister.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Just Give Me My Meds!!!

I hate going to the nurse or any type of doctor while at school. The problem is that they don't know me, and therefore assume that I am not intelligent enough to know my left from my right. For example, every time I go to the doctor up here they ask me if I'm pregnant. I understand that this is a typical question that is asked at many doctor's offices everywhere. However, most other doctor's offices accept the simple answer or "no". Not the campus health center. My "no" is quickly followed by a series of other questions.

Dr. Dumbass: Are you pregnant?
Me: No
Dr. Dumbass: Is there anyway you could be pregnant?
Me: No
Dr. Dumbass: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Dr. Dumbass: Yes you could be pregnant or yes you're sure?

How the hell did you get through med school???? I'm not sure if they're trying to tell me I'm a little chubby or if they really think I'm that dense. No, I'm not pregnant. Yes, you're a moron.

Then you get the smoking questions. Do you smoke? How many cigarettes a day do you smoke? Of course I don't smoke! You want to know why? I don't smoke because people who smoke spend an extra 20 minutes with the doctor. You get a speech about how bad smoking is for you and then sit around for 5 or 10 minutes while someone goes to try and find those pamphlets for the quit hotline. Thanks, you're efforts in handing me this packet is really going to get me to call this number so I can waste more time holding while I wait for someone to give me the same speech you just did.

As if this excitement weren't enough, you get to go to the pharmacy. The problem with the campus pharmacy is that it kind of works like you're ordering lunch meat from the supermarket. First of all, if you have a prescription it's on a computer printout and has a little scribble on it that the Pregnancy Obsessed Moron thinks is a signature. Then you take a number and wait to be called to place your order. Recently, a friend of mine went to the campus health services and they told her she might have a kidney stone so printed her out a sheet for some Vicadin. Awesome idea! Next time someone's looking for some pain killers tell them to head over to the campus health services and just tell them they're back hurts. It really amazes me how easy it is to get a hold of controlled substances from your university and distribute them at your leisure.

Keeping this in mind, I had a prescription for an inhaler (despite avoiding the smoking talk). I take it downstairs to the campus pharmacy, take my number, and sit. They call the number 37 five times before they realize no one's coming and finally call my 38. By the time I get up there, Mr. 37 is right on my heels and getting all huffy because I "cut" him (I think he might belong in my kindergarten class). I sit back down and wait some more and finally get called for real. I go up and hand in my shopping list. Forty minutes. Ms. Vicadin can walk in and walk out but I have to wait another 40 minutes to get a frigging inhaler. These people are the sick ones.

Now where's my lighter? I need to go downstairs and NOT smoke.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Deep State of Denial

I've had many friends over the years who have made some pretty bad "nighttime" decisions. You know those? The times when you're out and think a guy is just the bee's knees only to wake up the in the morning and scream for help.

Fortunately, I have never fallen victim to this what-the-hell-was-I-thinking experience (luckily Rome is a looker). However, the same cannot be said for these poor ladies. Of course it usually works out that this type of guy who makes you cringe with embarrassment is usually the one who is bursting with excitement and feels the need to tell the entire world the intimate details of your evening.

My friends ask me, "What do I do? Everyone knows!" To me the answer is simple...


The truth of the matter is, ladies, that guys lie. They lie so often in fact that this is the perfect time for you to lie because chances are that most people are going to take your side. Guys have been making up lies about sleeping with girls since the beginning of time, and if they don't lie they often exaggerate enough that it can certainly be considered a lie.

Feeling guilt about denying it? Don't. If the situation were flipped, they wouldn't think twice about denying you so don't worry about it! Keep your head held high and plead the fifth, my friend. I won't tell a soul.

Monday, February 9, 2009

I Pulled a Pheobe Cates...and Failed

I was strolling out of the Penn State College of Education office when I have a funny feeling in my bra. Just then the front of it just breaks and comes off. Do you remember the scene from "Fast Time at Ridgemont High" when Pheobe Cates is coming out of the pool? It was kind of like that...except not the least bit attractive. It was probably quite disturbing actually. Crazy Charm talks about headlights in class but this was certainly more embarrassing.

Just so happens I was on my way to get a physical and had no bra. Bras don't snap on Sunday afternoons when you're taking a refreshing nap on the couch. They snap when you're already late for school and about to get a physical.

In case anyone was really worried about me, the nurse in the office did offer up some safety pins until I was able to get home and change. Unfortunately, safety pins don't like to stay attached too often. Ouch!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Rental Rut

Dear Briarwood Apartments, (That's right! I'm exposing you!)

Thank you so much for turning off my water first thing on a Friday morning. I'm especially glad that the first thing I did this morning was flush the toilet. I love flushing the toilet when the water is off because I don't even like when my toilet has water in it. It's a waste anyway.

Thank you also for giving me the opportunity to ask my roommate if he knew the water was being turned off. When I have to speak to my roommate it makes me absolutely shutter with pure joy. He is so kind and considerate that he actually acknowledged that I spoke to him and answered my question with a whole 3 words! "I don't know". I'm beaming.

I did not think a rental office could beat the disfunction I have experienced with The Apartment Store (I'm exposing you guys, too!) but alas, you are coming dangerously close.

Keep doing what you're doing Briarwood!

The student teacher who brushes her teeth in school

My First Time

I got my first award from Crazy Charm and I'm flattered! (I knew I always like her!) I'm not sure who I'm going to pass it along to yet so I'm going to hold off on that for now.

What's it for? "This award acknowledges the values that every Blogger displays in their effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values with each message they write. Awards like this have been created with the intention of promoting community among Bloggers. It's a way to show appreciation and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web."

Thanks to everyone who reads. It makes me feel a little less crazy. =)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Roommate of the Year

Dear Ginger,

Thank you for being my roommate. I sincerely apologize for when your twin forgot her ID and you had to meet us at the Cell Block with it. I'm sorry that your sister texted me from the Kiddie section that we needed to leave to catch the bus and I didn't get the text until almost 15 minutes later. I'm sorry I had to track her down in the kiddie section among all the Freshman making out and practically having sex on the dance floor. I'm sorry your twin was standing next to the speaker and I couldn't hear a damn word she was saying.

I'm sorry we had to track down her coat because it was not in the coat rack by the kiddie section, but rather the coat rack in the over 21 section. I'm sorry I had to throw a bitch fit in order to convince the chick at the coat check that I did know the owner of the coat and was not trying to steal it.

I'm sorry that by the time we actually left the bus had come almost 20 minutes earlier.

I thank you for leaving your warm bed, with wet head to drive Henry downtown to pick us up. Remind me to take you to Red Lobster (or Olive Garden at the very least!) so that I can show my appreciation for your continued dedication to our friendship.

Your Sexy Roommate

P.S. Please forgive us =)

Monday, February 2, 2009

The 100K

My car hit 100,000 miles today. I was pulling into Starbucks this morning and I watched all the numbers turn at once. I was pretty excited about it so I thought I would share my good news with the blog world.

Henry the Hyundai Accent is still doing quite well. We're hoping for 100K more! (Yeah, right).

This is what a 2002 Hyundai Accent looks like in case you were wondering. Henry is much hotter than this one however.

Fun Fact: He's royal blue...which is why I named him after King Henry VIII.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Locks of Love

I spent the weekend in Reading with a friend and had an absolutely AMAZING time. I'm completely exhausted but I wanted to share that I made a big change in my life today...

I cut my hair.
My hair just made the 10 inch cut off for Locks of Love. It's a non profit organization that takes hair and turns them into wigs for kids who are losing or have lost their hair (from chemo or any other medical illness. So if you're thinking about cutting your hair and aren't sure this is a great reason to just do it.

Here's how in case you're interested.

There's my plug. I'm sure I'll have something interesting to share later in the week.