Just Give Me My Meds!!!

I hate going to the nurse or any type of doctor while at school. The problem is that they don't know me, and therefore assume that I am not intelligent enough to know my left from my right. For example, every time I go to the doctor up here they ask me if I'm pregnant. I understand that this is a typical question that is asked at many doctor's offices everywhere. However, most other doctor's offices accept the simple answer or "no". Not the campus health center. My "no" is quickly followed by a series of other questions.

Dr. Dumbass: Are you pregnant?
Me: No
Dr. Dumbass: Is there anyway you could be pregnant?
Me: No
Dr. Dumbass: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Dr. Dumbass: Yes you could be pregnant or yes you're sure?

How the hell did you get through med school???? I'm not sure if they're trying to tell me I'm a little chubby or if they really think I'm that dense. No, I'm not pregnant. Yes, you're a moron.

Then you get the smoking questions. Do you smoke? How many cigarettes a day do you smoke? Of course I don't smoke! You want to know why? I don't smoke because people who smoke spend an extra 20 minutes with the doctor. You get a speech about how bad smoking is for you and then sit around for 5 or 10 minutes while someone goes to try and find those pamphlets for the quit hotline. Thanks, you're efforts in handing me this packet is really going to get me to call this number so I can waste more time holding while I wait for someone to give me the same speech you just did.

As if this excitement weren't enough, you get to go to the pharmacy. The problem with the campus pharmacy is that it kind of works like you're ordering lunch meat from the supermarket. First of all, if you have a prescription it's on a computer printout and has a little scribble on it that the Pregnancy Obsessed Moron thinks is a signature. Then you take a number and wait to be called to place your order. Recently, a friend of mine went to the campus health services and they told her she might have a kidney stone so printed her out a sheet for some Vicadin. Awesome idea! Next time someone's looking for some pain killers tell them to head over to the campus health services and just tell them they're back hurts. It really amazes me how easy it is to get a hold of controlled substances from your university and distribute them at your leisure.

Keeping this in mind, I had a prescription for an inhaler (despite avoiding the smoking talk). I take it downstairs to the campus pharmacy, take my number, and sit. They call the number 37 five times before they realize no one's coming and finally call my 38. By the time I get up there, Mr. 37 is right on my heels and getting all huffy because I "cut" him (I think he might belong in my kindergarten class). I sit back down and wait some more and finally get called for real. I go up and hand in my shopping list. Forty minutes. Ms. Vicadin can walk in and walk out but I have to wait another 40 minutes to get a frigging inhaler. These people are the sick ones.

Now where's my lighter? I need to go downstairs and NOT smoke.