Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder

I went on a little trip with Rome down the shore to visit his aunt and little cousins. There are 4 of the little rugrats and they're all under the age of 10. The two middle girls are 7 and 5. They love Hannah Montana (in fact, I think I'll call them Hannah and Montana). Hannah and Montana got matching Hannah Montana makeup kits from Santa. He's so thoughtful!

So I'm sitting at their kitchen table, just minding my own business when Hannah comes up to me with a big grin on her face (Montana was close behind).

"Can I give you a makeover?!"

...I wasn't aware that I needed one. If there's one thing I learned in Kindergarten it's that children are brutally honest, so if the 5 and 7 year olds think I need to update my look I'll take their word for it.

It started out with a manicure. The nail polish was of the peel away variety so it didn't last past the first hour. Then it was time for eye shadow. First of all, I would just like to say that there were 4 different compartments of eye shadow, blush, and lip gloss. I couldn't tell which was which and that's when I became worried.

Slowly she dipped the wand in the pink "eye shadow". I mean pink. Full on 1985 hot ass PINK! I closed my eyes and hoped for the best. She began to apply and then I heard the most horrifying words I've heard in a long time...

"No, Hannah! That's too much!"

When the 5 year old is telling the 7 year old that she's using too much eye shadow you know there's a problem!! I looked like a clown for 3 days. I just kept scrubbing and scrubbing. It would not come off. I'm pretty sure that "eye shadow" was the lip gloss or something else that greases up your eyelids like a fast food cheeseburger. This stuff would probably make it through a nuclear war.

This is false advertising. The package said I would look just like Hannah Montana and I came out looking like Amy Winehouse. Is this Hannah Montana important enough to have a complaint department? I'd like the address.

Have You Met My Best Frenemy?

My mentor and I were having a conversation today about two of the girls in our class. Sara and Alana are best friends and today at recess Sara was playing with a bug she had found and Alana came over and stomped on it. In a typical kindergarten fashion, they both came over to tell us about it. Once they walked away I turned to my mentor and said that they’re destined to be life long frenemies. After a minute or so of hysterical laughter, she convinced me to write a blog about it.

Frenemy: (n) Someone who is both a friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust.

Of course, I continued this conversation with a friend of mine. Being of the male gender, he was completely confused by the entire idea of a frenemy. I don’t blame him…it’s something that I don’t quite understand myself. One of the most interesting things about frenemies is that they seem to be female, therefore boys do not understand them. “I don’t get it,” a boy may say, “if you don’t like someone then don’t be friends with them.” Silly boys, if only it were that simple.

I have to admit that I’ve had my fair share of frenemies in my past. In fact, I can remember having frenemies way back in first grade. If you’re a girl, frenemies are just a part of life. The worst part about frenemies is that as much as you want to cut them out of your life, you realize that you need them for something. Maybe she has the best toys? Maybe you need her to pass a class? Maybe she has a really cute brother? Maybe she knows your deepest darkest secret and you cannot afford to make her angry? (This one has always been my downfall.) Whatever the reason it’s not a situation a girl enjoys getting into. Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of things to look out for when trying to avoid frenemies.

BEWARE: FRENEMIES COME IN ALL AGES, SHAPES, COLORS, AND SIZES. DO NOT GET CAUGHT OFF GUARD!!!!

First Grade Frenemy: This is the girl in the class who likes to buy friends. Sure, she offers you her Beauty and the Beast pencil…little do you know she’s about to go tell the teacher that you stole it from her! Don’t worry though…she’ll always offer you some of her snack at lunch to make up for any confusion.

Fifth Grade Frenemy: This is the girl who calls you on the phone so that the two of you can take about how much you hate Paige…little do you know that she has Paige on three way and she’s listening to the whole conversation! Don’t worry though…she’ll invite you over to her pool party to make up for any confusion.

Ninth Grade Frenemy: This is the girl who you confess your undying love for the guy in fourth period to. She’ll promise you to put in a good word since she sits behind him…little do you know that she secretly wants him for herself and eventually you’ll find them making out at the next hockey game. Don’t worry though…she’ll blackmail her hot brother to ask you out in order to make up for any confusion.

College Frenemy: This is the girl who likes to go out and have a good time. She’ll invite you out with her and some other friends so that you can have a bonding experience…little do you know she’s about to leave you stranded with her boyfriend’s creepy cousin and no way home. Don’t worry though…she’ll buy the next round in order to make up for any confusion.

This is where my frenemy experience ends. I’m sure I’m bound to have many more as I continue on the journey of life. You’d think a girl would learn…